


This Is Me Trying

by Streetlamp_Sunset



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alexis Rose is doing her best, Canon Compliant, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Personal Growth, Song fic, canon compliant if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Streetlamp_Sunset/pseuds/Streetlamp_Sunset
Summary: "It's late,” Twyla hid a yawn behind the back of her hand. Alexis held up a bright pink six pack.Strawberry peach.“I brought drinks.”Twyla led her inside.Twyla and Alexis, figuring it out.
Relationships: Alexis Rose/Twyla Sands
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	This Is Me Trying

**I've been having a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting.**

“Babe, what are you doing over here all by yourself?” Alexis settled beside her on the tailgate. Twyla had a tendency to watch things from afar. She had known most of the people here all their lives, but she’d never really been the type to have friends.

Twyla shrugged, “I just needed some quiet.”

“Mmm,” Alexis smiled sadly, “yeah, I totally get that”.

"Hey, are you doing okay?" Twyla asked, “It seems really hard, you know, with everything. It's a big adjustment.” 

“Mm, that's one word for it,” Alexis’ smile frayed around the edges. The point of her necklace glinted in the light of the fire. 

“Yeah?”

“Ugh,” Alexis tugged at the ends of her hair, “I have no idea what I’m doing here, Twy.”

"It's going to be okay, Alexis,” she set a hand on her knee.

Alexis leaned in, tilting her head to rest against Twyla’s, “you think?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Thanks, Twy,” her voice was so soft Twyla wasn’t sure she was meant to hear it. 

She took another sip of her drink, watching the party through a haze of smoke. Stevie had broken out the beer funnel again. From the sound of the chant building around the keg, Dwayne was working on his second. 

“M’kay, well, that’s enough of that,” Alexis let out a breath, standing in a rush. She shimmed her shoulders and the unraveling hem of her dress swayed against her thighs. “You. Should totally come dance with me.”

Twyla laughed, “Alexis, no one’s dancing.”

“Not. Yet,” Alexis reached out to tap the air in front of her with each word. “Come on, it’ll be fun.” 

**I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. I have a lot of regrets about that.**

There were two quick taps on the counter, “Twy.” 

“Alexis, hey,” relief flooded her chest at the sight of her perched on a stool. “You never came back,” Twyla said, trying to keep the accusation out of her voice. She had spent the night picturing her in all sorts of terrible situations, lying in a ditch, an unfamiliar bed, bare feet over sharp stones as she tried to find her way home in the dark.

“Oh, I didn’t think you’d mind,” Alexis’ gaze flickered to her muffin and stayed there. She turned it, peeling the wrapper away.

“Alexis,” Twyla sighed.

“Hmm?” 

“I was worried about you,” her voice was far too sincere for their not-quite-friendship-but-sometimes-more. Twyla decided it probably couldn’t be helped. Alexis was hesitant to DTR, but if Twyla were being honest with herself, she tended to fall heart first into uncertainty.

“Oh, well,” Alexis’ face twisted helplessly, before landing on cheerfully blank, “you don’t need to worry about me, Twy.” 

Twyla's arm sparked beneath her gentle touch as Alexis reached across the counter. She took a breath to center herself and found that her axis had shifted, dizzyingly, into Alexis Rose's orbit.

“What can I get you today, Alexis?” 

**Pulled the car off the road to the lookout. Could've followed my fears all the way down.**

"You know, I've never actually seen the creek," Alexis mused softly. Lines creased her forehead, tongue darting out between teeth in concentration as she swept mascara over Twyla’s lashes. Her palm was so warm where she held her jaw steady, leaned in. 

"Would you like to?" Twyla asked. This close the rest of her expression was a blur, but the corners of Alexis’ eyes crinkled, a million different threads of blue. 

Twyla pulled her car off the road to the lookout. It’d grown warm enough in the season that the town’s tailgate parties tended to migrate to the shore. Flames were already billowing from the driftwood higher up the bank, but Alexis pulled her toward the water.

“Come on, Twy, let's swim."

Twyla followed, doing her best not to step on the clothes scattered along the sand. They stood in the shade of the tree line, laying their folded clothes on a wide, smooth rock. Alexis shrugged out of her dress. Twyla bit her lip, hitched gasp rolling over her tongue. 

Alexis grinned over her shoulder, "coming, babe?"

Goosebumps prickled down her arms. She took her hand and walked into the waves. 

Voices grew muddled as Twyla swam closer to the center. 

They had kicked up the creek bed. In the daylight she would be able to see things more clearly. Pressure lapped against her lungs. Twyla didn’t need to see to feel the pull of the tide. Alexis laughed, high and bright. Moonlight soaked into her skin. 

Twyla leaned back, floating just beneath the surface. The ripple of waves stroked her cheeks. She could've followed her fears all the way down.

**And maybe I don't quite know what to say, but I'm here in your doorway.**

"Twy, hi," Alexis stood in the doorway, dressed for a night out. Her mascara was delicately unsmeared from the underside of her eyes. Twyla wanted to ask why she had been crying. She didn’t.

"It's late,” Twyla hid a yawn behind the back of her hand. Alexis held up a bright pink six pack. _Stra_ _wberry peach_. 

“I brought drinks.” 

Twyla led her inside.

The wine coolers coated her tongue in a fuzzy, artificial sweetness. They lay curled together on the couch, Alexis’ fingers trailing over the hem of her pajamas. She had gently refuted her offer to borrow a pair, choosing instead to press Twyla to the cushions, blanket her in the wrap of her long limbs. 

“This is cute, Twy.” Her hands were so soft. _It’s so important to moisturize._

“Thanks, it’s, um,” any remaining thoughts evaporated with the brush of Alexis’ mouth over her own.

**They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential.**

Alexis was gone in the morning. Twyla hadn't expected her to stay. But she had hoped.

There was a lot to hope for. 

**And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad. I have a lot of regrets about that.**

It wasn’t like they stopped seeing each other. In a town this small, running into each other was an inevitability. That, and the Roses' meal options were fairly limited. 

Alexis wasn’t exactly cold, but their interaction dwindled to an intentional professionalism. Twyla almost missed getting tapped on the shoulder with day old pastries. 

"The usual?" she asked, toning down her smile at David's horrified expression. His honesty was so refreshing. 

"Mm, no, wait, yes," Alexis snapped the menu shut with a decisive flutter. She slid it onto David's and turned pointedly to talk with Moira.

Twyla made a smoothie that was more vegetably. 

**I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here, pouring out my heart to a stranger. But I didn't pour the whiskey.**

Twyla set a hand on Alexis' shoulder as she moved to pack up for the night. Everyone else had long gone. 

“Stay,” she couldn’t bring herself to ask more.

Alexis’ eyes softened. 

“Yeah, sure,” she slid her backpack into the corner of the bench, “it’s just, like, one midterm, and a couple project thingies. But I’m sure Jocelyn will totally understand.” 

Twyla reminded herself not to get _invested_ as she settled on the other side of the booth with a bottle of whiskey. It worked about as well as it had the past few weeks. But it wasn’t her place to worry. Twyla slid a drink across the table.

“Mmm, yum,” Alexis swallowed around a fake hum of enjoyment. She swirled the glass with an exaggerated pout. “Not that this isn’t so good, Twy, because it totally is, but do you have anything more fun?”

“It’s on the house,” Twyla said.

“Oh, well, never mind then,” Alexis rolled the bottom of the glass along the table. Condensation smeared the loopy lines of pen on her notebook. “Twy, um, are we okay?”

She glanced up. Her eyes were so blue, liquid and wanting. Twyla’s mouth softened into a smile.

“Yeah, Lex, we’re okay.” 

“Okay, because this friendship is, like, super important to me,” Alexis sighed, “and I kind of feel like I messed everything up,” 

She reached across the table, ink bleeding away from the glass. The lines blurred. 

“You didn’t mess anything up.”

**And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. It was hard to be anywhere these days.**

Twyla lay her head on Alexis' shoulder. David and Patrick swayed in the light of the Edison bulbs strung along the perimeter of the café.

"They look so happy," Twyla murmured. 

"Yeah," Alexis' chest shook with an uneven sigh, "they really do."

"Hey, are you okay?" Twyla leaned back to meet her gaze. Alexis gave her a tight smile, wiping at the corners of her eyes

"Mmm, yes, I'm just feeling very emosh about all of this,” she shook her head, "I never would've seen it coming, you know." 

"Life doesn't always work out the way we expect," she answered softly. Alexis nodded, pulling her closer. It wasn’t really a slow song, but neither of them were ready to let go. Her fingers brushed the smooth satin of Alexis’ _it’s-a-gown-Twy, not-a-wedding-dress, oh-my-god-Twy-am-I-wearing-a-wedding-dress, why-didn’t-you-tell-me_ dress.

"Alexis?" Twyla’s stomach turned with nerves, Alexis left for New York in three days. If she didn’t ask now she didn’t know if she’d get the chance. 

“Mmm?”

"Is it something you can see for yourself now?" 

"Marriage?" 

"Mm-mh."

"Yeah,” Alexis said, a raw edge in her voice, “I'm starting to think so.”

**When all I want is you.**

"Twy," Alexis stood on her doorstep.

“You’re here.”

"Um, I'm still leaving tomorrow morning, I just- I had to see you."

"Come inside, Alexis."

Alexis was there when she woke up. Twyla didn't expect her to stay. 

**You're a flashback, in a film reel, on the one screen in my town. And I just wanted you to know.**

In practice, not much changed. Twyla's own name glowed over the door of the café. Patrick made a point to invite her to dinner at the cottage every Sunday and Stevie joined them the nights she wasn't on the road.

The drive-in outside Elmdale held another Stiles-a-thon. At David's request, they all bought tickets. Piled into her truck bed, the press of bodies and a heap of blankets kept the chill at bay. They didn't give Twyla the space to be alone, but god was she lonely. 

_“Hey, I don't mean to tell you how to spend your money, But maybe you could use some of it to come visit me?”_

_“I'd like that.”_

Alexis had asked. And it wasn’t like she was hurting for money. Still, the doubt was hard to shake.

 _"Hey, Twy?"_ memory of a glossy press of lips rippled through her longing, _“cute dress.”_

If there were tears on Twyla’s cheeks, it wouldn’t be the first time her friends had seen her cry. 

Not much changed, but nothing felt the same. She wanted Alexis to know. Alexis deserved to know.

**This is me trying. Maybe I don't quite know what to say, at least I'm trying.**

“Twyla,” Alexis stumbled over the syllables, lips pursed like she wanted to clip it shorter, but wasn’t sure if she were allowed. She shook her head, stepping away from the door, “come in, come in.” Her loft was smaller than Twyla expected, but it was bright, airy, very Alexis. 

“You look nice,” she said, “were you going somewhere?” 

Alexis looked taken aback by the question.

“Oh, I was,” she said slowly, “but I- don’t you want to stay?”

“Right, yes, of course.”

“Okay, um, just make yourself at home,” Alexis bent down to slip off her heels, gesturing with her free hand. The thin chain of her bag coiled on the glass side table, loud in the silence. 

Twyla slid her keds onto the shoe rack. She was overtaken by a wave of uncertainty, canvas in a sea of pointed heels.

“Can I get you anything?” Alexis asked, eyes darting around her kitchenette, “I have lime water or, um, I think there’s some left over kombucha in the-” Fond familiarity welled in her chest at the anxious knit of Alexis’ hands.

“Alexis,” Twyla cut her off. She wasn’t tall enough to do it with a kiss, but Alexis’ pulse fluttered beneath her fingers. 

“Yes?” her breath stuttered, bleeding into a short sigh as Twyla drew her closer. 

“Can I kiss you?” she was surprised by the steadiness of her own question. But she meant it the most, so what else was there to say. 

“I think I’d like that,” Alexis bent down and their mouths met like cresting waves, evermore.

**Author's Note:**

> The fic is based on This Is Me Trying by Taylor Swift.  
> Thanks so, so much for reading!!  
> ❤️ Sunset


End file.
